I have been LOVING exercising like I never ever thought I would. I have given it a go before, gone along to the gym three or maybe four times a week. Felt like I may have been a little fitter or stronger but never anything more. So I’d stop.

I’ve ‘tried’ to eat more healthily. Like, I’d go without sweets for two days. Or eat less take away. But that’s not really eating healthily is it? Even a program where I counted points was good for about 10kg but eventually you have to create your own system and lifestyle choice, and there has to be exercise involved. And counting points so you figure out you can eat a double cheeseburger for dinner if you eat nothing else all day is not really the best lifestyle choice it turns out.

So here I am, coming to the last couple of weeks of Mish Bridge’s 12WBT and I have a body I feel pretty good about. I’ve lost 10.7% of my body weight (those pesky last 6 or so kilos that have been there for about 15 years) and I know more about cooking and that healthy doesn’t have to mean bland and horrible. I’ve learnt to appreciate green leafy things, and even Miss5 likes some leaves on her plate now (still working on Miss4 and Baby…).

But…..

I love white chocolate still. I love potato bake and French fries and fish and chips. And sometimes I’m bloody tired. So is this a lifestyle I’m willing to continue living forever? Can I keep this up?

Here’s my answer: I’ve missed one or two gym days and just feel yucko. It’s part of me now; I’m still on a mission and still have goals. I plan to RUN the Mother’s Day Classic (4km) but next year I want to smash the 8km. I want to do a City to Surf which would be 12km. I want to have the energy to run around after my mental kids for years to come. I don’t want to go to the playground up the hill and be puffed. If I revert back to the way of eating and lack of exercise from before that’s how I’d be.

And guess what? Once a week I eat some of the above (not all, that would just be wrong town) and don’t feel guilty about it. Why? Coz I’m at the gym six times a week and I eat ridiculously healthy breakfast, lunch and dinners every other day. I make sensible choices when out or at a BBQ or something (fill up on salads and less of the stuff I’d previously eat all of). This is me. I hope those around me can keep up because I don’t plan to stop here. Even though I’ve reached my goal in numbers, there are many more fitness and strength goals to smash and I still have that wobbly upper thigh and butt issue to sort out (any further suggestions on sure fire cures that don’t involve lipo will be greatly received).

So my answer is; YES. I do want to live like this for the rest of my life. Happier, healthier, fitter, stronger and just plain better. Who wouldn’t want to live like that?

Love to you all

Kells Xx

PS: No pic yet because I plan to save that for the end of the 12 weeks – a before and after!

So. I made it. A very long time ago, when I was about 15kg overweight, I had a number in my head that I thought I wanted to be. I also decided when I tried different diets and different exercise regimes (including a personal trainer once a week for six months before my wedding) that my body was just happy where it was. I dropped 10kg and there I stayed, well actually hovered up and down 3-4 kgs from there for years. Apart from when I had Ross River Virus, but I couldn’t really enjoy being skinny then coz I felt so crap! I’d look at people on TV and things and think “well it’s ok for them, they’ve got nutritionists and chefs and personal trainers”, “if I had all those things I’d be buff too”. Well do you know what? Unless I actually did the work, I wouldn’t be!!

So now the day has come. I am 200gms lower than that number in my head all those years ago. Does it feel good? Damn straight it does. Do I think I’m done now and I can be happy? No way. I’m proud of how hard I’ve worked to get here and I like that I have lost the numbers on the scales. I also enjoy that my once ‘skinny’ jeans (that I’ll fit back into one day) are now a little loose. I’m not done though. I never wanted to be ‘skinny’. I wanted to look good. I wanted to wear clothes well without feeling my tummy squished at the top of my pants. I wanted to wear shorter shorts without worrying which bits were wobbling where. I wanted to wear a bikini with total confidence that I LOOK GOOD. And, although I’ve reached that number on the scales, I’m not there yet.

This is not me. But I'd like it to be.

Now it is all about changing the shape of what’s left. Changing the soft to hard, the floppy to taut. That’s going to take some real work. The gym is my friend. I have to believe this. Sometimes I really really really don’t want to go. I just want to flop on the couch and eat some chocolate (white). Last night was one of those but I thought “you’re weighing yourself in the morning, you don’t want to not make it just coz you couldn’t be bothered do you?” And I didn’t. So I went. And I loved it. I felt stronger than I have before, made it through all reps without giving up and it was the best thing. This morning I nearly did it again. I was tired. I turned my alarm off at 5.30am and thought, I’ll just go to the gym later instead of running now. Then five minutes later when I hadn’t gotten back to sleep I thought “JFDI” so I did. And now the rest of the day is mine.

What’s changed? Why now? I don’t know what clicked in my head, but moving states and not really knowing anyone I thought – this is my chance to be a new me (cliché yes?). DB was a little sceptical of me paying money to join Mish Bridges 12WBT program (he didn’t think I’d be able to stick at it, I’d exhaust myself or something). The thing is, my FMS pain has REDUCED since doing all this exercise (when many say it can be exacerbated by it) and yeah, I’m still tired sometimes (having three draining beings children will do that) but I feel like I’m achieving something. My husband has always been extremely complimentary of me and my appearance, but now I’m starting (starting) to believe him.

The program doesn’t do it for me. I’ve done the work. But I needed someone telling me what to eat, how much and how often. I needed someone telling me how often to go to the gym to get real results and what strength and cardio and when. It’s not doing the gym circuit given to you when you join three times a week that’s for sure. It’s hard work, and commitment, but f*** it’s worth it. And when it becomes part of your everyday life, you don’t really know how it wasn’t there before. And the food? How fantastic is it to have the shopping done for the week, to know what’s on for dinner every day and not worry that you’re missing an ingredient. And there’s always extra so on the days when things just don’t work out – I know there’s something in the freezer that’s nutritious and healthy and doesn’t cost $4.95 from Maccas!!!!

I want to point out something here, speaking of Maccas. I’ve eaten it once in seven weeks and thoroughly enjoyed it. It didn’t make me overweight or flabby. It was once. It’s the once or twice a week (or day) that is the problem. As with cake and white chocolate, my other vices. The last couple of weeks have been tough – sicknesses, stroppy kids, tired. And I’ve eaten to make it through. But I’ve not eaten snacks during the day, eaten healthy, calorie controlled meals and then had one or two white chocolate Tim Tams to soothe the pain. This is not the ideal diet of a fit and healthy person, but it’s far from the one I would’ve eaten two months ago when I was having a hard time!! And I’m pretty sure I feel better and happier because of it.

Thanks for listening. I’m very proud of how far I’ve come and even more excited for what’s coming up. A new red dress for one!

What are you proud of this week?

Love to you all

Kells Xx

Firstly, apologies for the lack of blog posts. My three posts a week was great, and then we moved. I don’t know how I ever did that with kids to and from school/kindy/childcare plus dancing and swimming and now with me at the gym six times a week. Anyway, enough with the excuses. I am really trying to get back to more consistent blogging. I promise.

I wasn’t sure if this blog post should be another one about my successes so far with 12WBT mixed with my non-successes or something about my kids. So, I went with the one that is taking over my life the most at this moment. MissNearly4 wins!!

You’d think with my decision to add running three times a week to my already 8 classes at the gym (sometimes I do a double) perhaps that would be the thing that was dominating my time and my thinking, but no. And if that’s the case – what the hell is MissNearly4 doing that wins out??

She is driving me and DB completely insane is what. Our bubbly child who everyone comments on how happy she always is and who even walks with a bounce is trying to kill us. Not with knives or hitting or anything like that. With her blatant disobedience. Terrible twos? Na ahh. Terrible almost 4s? Absolutely. I remember Miss5 went through some pretty ordinary tantrums around the same time.

I normally don’t mind having to ask twice, or three times, for some help with something. When it is EVERY SINGLE TIME however, and then she still doesn’t react? Ooooh, that gets me. She looks at me and makes a face like “yeah, what are you gonna do?” I want to hit something. Don’t worry, I won’t hit my child. I just FEEL like it. I did drag her by her feet to brush her teeth yesterday – am I in trouble?

There is not ONE thing she will do when asked/told. Not one. I asked her if she’s like that at kindy and she said she’s not. She knows she’s doing it, but I’m not sure she really knows WHY.

Ok, all the psycho analysis can start now…..GO

We moved interstate, she was home with me for three months, she started kindy (which is so inconsistent – she’s been half days, one day a week, three days a week) and she started a new ballet school and swimming lessons. Is she tired? I’m sure. Is she confused? Probably. Did we go home to Adelaide where she got to see her beloved grandparents, aunty, uncle and little buddies and then come home to Perth? Yep. Has her baby sister been particularly difficult and taking a lot of time and attention? Yep.

So you see, I can probably analyse it myself and figure out reasons for her changed behaviour but none of that makes it OK. It also doesn’t help me work out the best approach because I’m pretty sure screaming at her and or/dragging her by her feet to do something is not the best parenting.

It just makes my blood bubble up inside when I see that look, or when she kicks the back of the car seat just to annoy us, or when she purposely gets all up in her sister’s grill trying to bother her, or when she takes toys away from her baby sister, not because she wants them but just coz she doesn’t want her to have them.

DB and I decided last night that we both need to breathe and count to three before any reaction to her behaviour. We need to be consistent with our discipline and continue taking toys away from her as she does this. We’ve also been removing her from the situation but we’ve never been a Time Out family so that’s something we have to figure out if we are going to start now.

The latest thing on the table is her birthday party. I’ve paid a deposit and we’ve sent out invitations but I’m not afraid to cancel if she continues this every single day. Girls who behave this way do not get amazing parties. Thing is, I know I have to do things too. It’s not about fixing MissAlmost4. It’s about creating the right environment and fixing the FAMILY to make a more happy and well-adjusted household. I know this; I just have to work on DOING it.

Any similar stories/remedies would be much appreciated!

Love to you all

Kells Xx

As you know, I’ve begun Michelle Bridges’ 12 Week Body Transformation (12WBT). I have been doing so well. Started off with the shopping done, recipes in a folder and list of what I am to eat for every meal on the fridge. I’ve been exercising too. Not just added a couple of strolls during the week, I mean EXERCISING. I’m at the gym six days a week, and following Mish’s program to the letter. If she says do Pump, I do Pump, if she says do a fitness test (gulp) I do a fitness test. I’ve been pretty proud of myself actually. I’ve even gotten out of bed at 5am on more than one occasion to get my training in before the day starts for everyone else.

Last weekend I was worried. We were off to Adelaide for a gorgeous friend’s wedding along with a lot of family and friend catch ups – mostly at pubs. I thought I was doomed. How could I not eat a parmi, or eat sweets when everyone else would be? When could I possibly exercise while away? Well, I got up and went and trained at the park near Mum’s where we were staying. The kids came down with Daddy and Nana when they woke up and they joined in a cheered me on, and played. I went out for dinner and ordered as close to the recommended dish for that night as possible, and I portion controlled. I stopped eating when there was still chicken on my plate! I did that again at the wedding (and no cake) and I danced my butt off (put an extra jump in my Nutbush to burn up some extra calories). I did eat fried ice cream, but no snacks that day and stayed within my calorie allowance. What I’m trying to say is I made it. I’d made enough changes that I wasn’t disappointed or sad, nor did I feel like the freak in the room not eating the appetisers – I was able to stick to my plan, and at weigh in the following Wednesday – I had lost 300g! I was so happy to not have put on any weight, and so proud that I managed to stick to my calories even when away, and get in some exercise too.

When we got home, and hadn’t done the week’s shop yet there was a moment I was considering McDonalds dinner. Everything seemed too hard and I didn’t know what I could possibly put together with what we had at home (none of the leftovers left frozen either). With the help of DB I didn’t. We went home and cooked a small chicken pasta with sundried tomato pesto. I was SO happy I’d done that. I know if I’d eaten the junk I would’ve been going over and over it in my head and regretting it. I was glad for the kids’ sake as well. They need to eat healthy as much as we do and eating Maccas twice in one week would not have helped them any. Now I’m back. I haven’t done week 3’s shop yet, so I’ve been getting through with buying the couple of things I needed to make it the first couple of days until I have a chance to get to the shops. This shows me I need to shop on a specific day every week and be prepared for the week ahead or I start to get into trouble.

What I have discovered this week is what my RED FLAG days are. Mish is always talking about being prepared for these, knowing where your weaknesses are so you can be prepared when they arrive (birthdays, weddings any things where you might be tempted to completely fall off the wagon). Turns out mine is when the kids, namely Baby, is having a bad day. Today Baby is hideous. I would happily hand her over to anyone, although I’m not sure anyone would take her. She’s throwing tantrums at 15 months old – proper, throw yourself on the floor and squeal – tantrums. She doesn’t want me to put teething gel in her mouth, she scratches at my face when I try to cuddle her, she pulls my clothes off if I try to sit on the floor with her, she won’t eat anything and she doesn’t even want her dummy and teddy which are normally the saviour for this kind of carry on. So what do I want to do? Eat sweets. Lots and lots of sweets.

We were at Toddler Jam when she was behaving this way, and until this day I’ve been able to resist the granny-made cakes and slices there because I’m happy to have adults to chat to and keep an eye on my kids playing happily. Today I could not resist. First it was a piece of orange poppy seed, then a creamy scroll. I had to go away, there was too much temptation and I felt like I needed them to make it through. Next was a play date where Baby was still behaving pretty ordinarily so I again wanted to eat to make it stop. Funny thing is, when I ate cake, she still behaved badly. When I ate a sandwich she still tried to pull it off my plate and throw it on the floor. And when I got home and put her to bed where she probably needed to be all along, I went to the cupboards. Thing is, there’s not really anything in our cupboards. So I drank diet coke hoping that would do the job. It didn’t. So I ate a YoYo (anyone know how many calories are in one of those?). That didn’t fix it either.

Now I am here writing. Lucky the house is not full of cake and yummy snacks and white Tim Tams, or they would all be gone by now. Instead the cake from this morning, one YoYo and some blog therapy will have to do. The good thing is I’ve now identified my Red Flag days. Problem is they’re completely unpredictable. I need to find something to make me feel better when they are happening that doesn’t involve sugary foods. It seems that’s how I deal with shit!

Thanks for listening – I actually feel better, sort of. I could still go a Tim Tam though. Don’t tell Mish. Do you have Red Flag days?

Love to you all

Kells Xx

With help from MissNearly4

Last week was the first of Kindy for MissNearly4 and the first of PrePrimary for Miss5. I could write a post about first days of school but it seems saturated in blogs this week. Instead I’ve enlisted the help of MissNearly4 to give her point of view. Yes, she is very intelligent, but not yet typing so this has been dictated to me!

On the first day I told Mummy she could go because the bell went. The teacher wouldn’t let her and said she had to stay. Then I did painting, sticking, felt pictures, play doh and some songs. I didn’t know what else there could be to do at kindy and that was only two hours.

The next day Mummy had to go but I didn’t want her to. After a few minutes I was happy. There’s a place for our drink bottles and a special spot with our name on it for our bags and for our lunches.

My teacher is nice.

I did some puzzles but they are easier than the ones we have at home. I wrote my name on my pictures and did another painting. We did some painting with one finger so I had to wash my hands.

I was looking for my sister because her classroom is just opposite mine. I saw her at the door and we had a hug but then she had to go back with her class. I think she likes being at school very much because sometimes she wants to stay there after the bell.

We are both making some friends, Miss5 talks about four friends she has, especially Holly, and I made friends with one boy called Max. Next week I have three days of kindy and then we go to Adelaide. I can’t wait to see all my friends. (Now she is crying because she misses all her friends).

Thanks for your help this week MissNearly4. Has anyone else got a story about their first week?

Love to you all

Kells Xx

Please ignore my crappy grammar in this post. I realise I’ve done it, it’s just the way it came out.

So as most of you know I have joined Michelle Bridges’ 12 Week Body Transformation. I have been faced with a lot of “but you’re skinny, you don’t need it” and things of that nature. Well, I’m here to tell you I may not be obese, but I live the life of an obese person.

I have high cholesterol. My family have heart conditions, so many heart attacks; strokes etc. have been the reason for early death. I’m not going down that path.

I have no energy. I am a couch potato. Any chance I get to sit on my arse I will take it. I will watch Excess Baggage on TV rather than do something else.

I have wobbly legs, stomach and thighs. I thought about posting apicture of myself in my underwear to ‘prove’ my non perfect physique. But I’m not feeling that brave just at the moment. The point is, I may not have 20 kilos to lose, but I do have some and I certainly have a lot of reshaping and tightening up to do.

I felt I looked my best when I weighed 48kg and had Ross River Virus. Somebody tell me I don’t have body issues….

A lot of you also know I suffer from Fibromyalgia. There’s a notion around FM circles that we should say ‘living with’ and not ‘suffering from’. Well, guess what – I’m suffering! Fatigue is a major factor in my illness, as is widespread pain. It is one of those anomalies that suggests exercising may actually make it worse not better. So why am I undertaking a six days a week exercise regime, joining a gym and committing to work out? Because I struggle with the idea that exercise could make someone worse. Surely being fit and healthy puts me in a better position to deal with my problem than being unhealthy and unable to walk up a small set of stairs? I had a personal trainer for a while whilst living in Sydney. I was still unable to work full time (haven’t been able to do that for over 10 years) but I felt pretty good. I was able to go for walks, hang out with friends (maybe even after 8.30pm without falling asleep) and I felt like I was a decent girlfriend at the time.

I want that again. And I want to feel good about how I look too. I don’t want to be embarrassed to take my kids to the pool because people will see me in bathers with wobbly, cellulite covered thighs. I want the way I look to play absolutely no part in how I live my life, because I just feel good about it.

I’m not going to push myself so crazily that I end up bed ridden for weeks. I realise I’m a little bit different and have to ease my body into this. I have a personal training session tonight and I’m going to have a good chat to them about FM and how we can move forward sensibly. I want to do a Fun Run in the next year, but I have to take baby steps to get there. I want to be a good role model for my children, one of whom hates walking the 200m to school coz she is tired. That is not a good sign. I want active kids who love to run, jump, play and ride. Not who beg and plead to watch a movie or ABC for Kids (there is a time and a place, believe me).

If a side effect of all my improvements is that I have some kind of libido – then YAY for me (well, yay for my husband actually).

Is anyone else embarking on a new journey – changing your life for the better?

Love to you all

Kells Xx

Sorry for the delay in this one. It’s just that my mumma’s been here and we’ve been busy doing stuff which makes for some great favourites for next week.

Of course the first has to be picking my mum up from the airport and heading straight to East Perth to sit by the river with Mum and my cousin for a lazy afternoon in the sun – welcome to Perth Mumma!

This week (which was really last week) I was grateful for a loving, kind husband and three healthy, happy daughters. This stemmed from a very disturbing 60 Minutes story.

I also had a great chat with an Adelaide buddy and it reminded me how nice it can be to have a friend that you can just talk to on the phone about everything and nothing.

A talk on the phone also brought some fabulous news for some friends in Adelaide which made me smile and gave us just ANOTHER reason for a visit later in the year!

After having a terrible day health wise and needing help with Baby, MissNearly4 told me the next day that she had a sore tummy and it was my turn to look after her!

DB came home after picking Baby up from childcare and she was soooo happy it made me feel so much better about sending her there in the first place.

My favourite came from my kids again; this time when reading a Dora book. I didn’t roll my ‘r’s properly and was promptly corrected by my older two. Say it with me MaRiana… They are very good at it actually; I need to teach them more Italian.

Thanks for reading – that’s one of my favourite things too, knowing that people actually read what I write.

Please stay tuned for me getting back to my regular 3-4 posts per week as of next week – when my two biggest girls start SCHOOL. Yipes.

Did you have a favourite this week? Was it something huge, or a tiny thing?

Love to you all

Kells Xx

I love my kids. When I’m home, alone, I really love my kids. I think about their beautiful smiles, genuine laughs and their eyes, oh they have the most big, twinkly eyes. I want them home with me. I want to spin around in circles and laugh and play and be just like in a movie.

Trouble is. When they’re home, I don’t much like them. Please take that the way it’s intended. Parenting is bloody hard. I write about my daughters a lot. They feature in my favourite part of the day more than any one other thing.  And I’m glad I can see that. Because in the moment, I just can’t handle them. One of them, all of them, someone is always driving me nuts.

Take breakfast time. Who gets to SIT DOWN and eat breakfast peacefully, perhaps with a nice HOT cup of tea? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?

What about the toilet? Sometimes I want to go there for a bit longer than really necessary just for some peace, to read Facebook or Twitter, but who am I kidding? The only time I get to do that is when they’re not home. I’m getting to the point where I’m embarrassed to do number two with them in there because they’re trying to hold a conversation with me now, and well, that’s hard sometimes…

And going out. I have these visions, again from movies, of wonderful family days out. It doesn’t work like that. Miss5 doesn’t want to walk anymore, MissNearly4 wants an ice cream, no not THAT ice cream (50c from Maccas) RAINBOW ice cream ($8 from somewhere else) (maybe not $8 but you get it). Baby doesn’t know what she wants but she’ll cry until someone figures it out. Oh the family bliss. We’re the Bradys. Why can’t we be dancing around the fountain singing together in perfect harmony? Or was that The Sound of Music? Whatever. C’mon, why?

Can you guess right now I’m home alone? I am. And I miss my family. I want some noise, some love and hugs and the random “I love you mummy” called out from another room. When they get home though, I give it 5.8 seconds before that wears off and I crave some quiet, some time with no arguments, no whinging and no damn crying that seems endless. And maybe some time with DB. I’d love to go to a movie with him, out to dinner. Wow, I can’t actually remember the last time I went out for dinner…

I’ve never wanted anything more than to be a mother. I can’t tell you why, it’s just something I always knew I’d do and I was sure it would ‘complete me’. Well, it does and it doesn’t. If I have things planned and places to be and other people (including adults) to see, then it is enough. I love it. I seem to cope with the drama and misbehaviour and bickering. When I’m home though, and we have nowhere to go (only so many trips to the playground I can make, and when it’s over 35 it’s just too much) I can’t handle it. I get stroppy at their arguments, at Baby crying and wanting me to walk her around holding her hands (anyone in Perth know of a good chiropractor by the way?), I want them to entertain themselves so I can get the washing on, or wipe down the bench from breakfast (right before preparing lunch), or maybe, just maybe, do a poo.

Not sure why I wrote this exactly. I think it’s to let people know I’m human and my family is not as Brady Bunch as it may always seem. Things are real here, and they’re real hard sometimes. I LOVE my children to the moon and back and more and if (God forbid) anything EVER happened to any of them I’m not sure I could breathe. Then I would hate myself for wanting them gone so I could pee in peace. There, I wrote this post to realise that I WANT to spend more time with them and enjoy them young as much as I can because you never know what the next day will bring. And you do know that inevitably, children will become teenagers. Send your support.

Do you ever talk about the fact that having kids is bloody hard? Is it taboo? Are people just supposed to find that out for themselves after the blissful excitement and anticipation of pregnancy and the midwife support in the hospital is gone?

Love to you all. And especially my three girls.

Kells Xx